Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
