She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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