he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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