Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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