end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
