she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
