You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
