Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
