Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
