Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
