Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
