he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
