I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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