I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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