Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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