Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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