kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
