My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
