Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
