Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
