I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
