overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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