I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
