I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
