I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
