Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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