OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
