Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
