I seem to have left my pride at pride
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
