So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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