I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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