cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
