btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
