I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
