they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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