"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
