yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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