Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you will always have a special place in my vag
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
