guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
