I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
