Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
