got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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