I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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