A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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