i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
