remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
