You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
