The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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