i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
