oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
