You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
