We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
