Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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